Year Ender Realizations.

Early this morning, I was cold and sullen. All I was praying a night before was a bright, lots of sunshine day so I can do my weekly jogging at the community park. Yet, I became bitter more so sluggish. Then I came to realized,  You can't always have what you wished for.  It's just life, All you can do is pray, hope that tomorrow is going to be a brighter one. If it doesn't happen, life has given you a lot of lemons, enough for you to make a lemonade.

 But this entry is not about the cold and melancholic days I had, or else I would have to stay overnight and keep my eyes peeled and write. These are about few "Culminations" that 2010   I think  reluctantly gave me.

First off,

• There are people who will unexpectedly show up in your life without your valid discernment why they came,....and go.

At times, I question myself why I have to meet them, only for me to have rancorous memories against them. As much as you don't want to hold on to the past but it kills you to think what was the point why they have to intervene and make you question  even more complicated things you have in hand, in your naturally mazed life. The result is, you eagerly find the connection of their presence and start an imaginary conclusion, which led to deception of oneself. Worst thing is, when you have fully fathomed a tangible reason, the person will once again come back. Can I just pull the trigger?

Simple tip!  Be very careful in being comfortable within their presence, there's only two things you will end up savoring, You trust the wrong people, and pushed away the right ones.

• I discovered a cloaking trait inside me.  

You think you already know yourself  by knowing what to answer to a question of your favorite song? Perhaps, Your favorite food? What about, what was the greatest compromise you ever have to do this year?

That question was one of the unruly questions I have to deal with this year. Choices were available but were not the best. As a resort, I have to settle and be contented of what was handy, against a nonnegotiable and adamant me.  In life, if we expect everything to fall into its places as what we want them to be, It's boring! All of us go through few perplex scenarios, however these distresses will make us appreciate our lives even more as we look back. I know there will be a time, you will also tell yourself. I just shook them off!

• My life has finally reached its transition point from its previous chapter. 

From a girl who came from an a third world country then settling to the most powerful country in this planet, From riding public transportation, to a girl who drives her own car. From lenient educational system to an uptight one, all of this had happen ever since I moved in this country. It was hard, celebrating my first Christmas and New Year (and now second) out of 22 years of my season. But now, everything is slowly getting real to me that I definitely have a new life here. I have changed career path from Engineering to Health care, full pledge wife to my husband, meet new circle of friends, have gotten used with the food, weather (including the unwanted allergies), hectic life from a laid back one. I have felt more secured and protected by the law enforcement unit of this country. I may not be a full, liberated citizen yet, but I have every right to claim that I am a resident (of course legally) in this wonderful country. So I refuse to be a dependent  to anything, that being said, to the government or to any of the people that has been continuously caring for me. I want them to be proud of my achievements so I will continuously work on them.

• I loved myself more. 

Just like my country,Philippines; An average of 20 typhoons  annually hits my country. That explains why people from this country are indestructible. We've been there, done that and still, we rise up and keep going. Positively saying, I possess the same trait why I have this robust self that what ever life throws at me, I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I have had forlorn times after I moved here. These destitute memories have caused heartaches to the people I love and care for me from here and back home. There are a lot of messy situations I was once in and I even felt hopeless to reach my goal in life, But  I refused to be be defeated by the situation.  I've learned to stand with my beliefs, and not let anybody make another decision for me. I've been continuously searching the light in my darkest alley, guided with my dreams and aspirations without letting someone telling me the directions. This, and only this way, You can  love yourself.

I learned to compromise (Realization 2) and  I did not let Unexpected People (Realization 1) to derail my path, for me to fully inculcate in myself, I have an anew life to discover, explore and leave colorful trails (Realization 3) and last but not the least, I have all the reason to love myself even more. (Realization 4).

 At the end of every year; It's like by default, we tend to weigh in the negative circumstances more over than the positive ones. 12 months was long enough to make right choices and decisions. 365 days were opportunities to live a more meaningful life each day and forward. Without remorse and unhappiness. The less we mind other people's business the more time we have to recollect all the corporeality we have had through the entire year and do something from all the bad judgments we've committed. For me, this reigning year will be another year to look forward and count all the blessings I shall be receiving from God.