How is it to be married to a foreigner?

We often hear from folks that the first 3 years of marriage are the most tough years for newly married couples since these are the years of adjustment, getting to know more with each other, stumbling from one mistake to another. There are certain situations where you think your marriage will be over due to some circumstances like frequent misunderstanding, almost everyday of arguments, little things that gets bigger. Circumstances like will really make you believe that let's cut the crap.This isn't going to work.

I'm going to talk here in this topic how is it to be married to a foreign national. Let's take it from my own situation. I am married to my wonderful husband who came from United States. We both get married in an early age. We can't deny that when you got married in your early 20's, there will be some immaturity that most of the time arises when your desire wasn't fulfill by your husband or wife. Here, misunderstanding and conflict begins.

In my 8 months of married life, separated by distance,I'm undergoing immigration process so I can join my husband in United States. It so hard to go on each day pretending that everything is OK that my husband is in his country while I'm here in my country. Long distance relationship measures how long is your patience, how much you trust your spouse, how much can you handle arguments and misunderstanding, and how strong are you to go through all these things and at the end of the day, both of you are happy and smiling. I hear you. I've been there.

There are times that I feel like giving up, but there's only one thing that's keeping me strong and holding on, that is the courage to have a happy family with the person I vowed that I will love forever.
My husband thinks I'm bitching to much, I complain a lot, I don't appreciate him, I'm stressing him to much, I don't understand him, he even thinks I don't love him anymore. I admit sometimes one of two of these things happens but stop loving him will never be. One thing that he doesn't understand is that I just need little affection.I'm lonesome. I missed him. I want him beside me.

In the verge of adjustment, I've been learning things more and more each day on how to better our relationship to avoid arguments and misunderstanding. And to those who are also married to a foreigner especially to American and who are also away from your spouse, I'll be sharing some key points to prevent it. I'm no good in advising, I just based this from on my own experience.


1.) Never keep what you really feel. Always communicate.
As a Filipino, we are some sort of modest to our actions. We are not that vocal on what we feel. Sometimes we keep it and tends to just forget about it and get over with it. But its this gesture will not help to better a relationship, instead it will create a gap which sooner or later will get bigger and bigger until you don't know your spouse anymore. You husband always wanted to know what you feel because he always wanted to be connected to you. It is important for him to know what might be bothering you so he would know what is the resolution to it.


2.) Always ask how was his day.
It sounds eccentric to you but this is one way how your husband will know that you care to know what happen to him the entire day. It shows you care. In this way, he wouldn't think being neglected.


3.) Never use the word, I paid for that.
Marriage is about OURS. Not mine and thats yours. When my husband asked me for a pre-nuptial agreement, I was totally broken. I felt so devastated and betrayed. I felt like there will always be a barrier for us while we are on our vows. I feel like he doesn't trust me at all that I'm just a part of a household.In the other hand, I made him understand that my love is far more than what he thinks about me so he is securing what ever he has. My love don't cost a thing. From that moment, I promised myself that whatever is mine is his, and I believed that whatever is his is mine. So he doesn't have to use the word I paid for that. To husbands, please don't make us wives feel as if we are useless and unable.


4.) Never be ashamed to tell your husband that you need money.
I have this attitude that I let my husband figure out that I need money. I get so hot headed when I don't have money. I feel that I'm the most unfortunate person in the world when I don't have a single penny in my pocket. To the extent of I get so mad easily. Girls, Its bad. I get used to my lifestyle that I am earning for myself but when I stopped working I had to be dependent to my husband. But when you ask money, never lie about the real purpose of it, because if your husband finds it out that you lied, It's the end of his trust to you.


5.) Appreciate him everyday.
I always tell my husband that his good looking because he really does. One thing that I just fail to always do is to give him thanks for all the wonderful, great things he did for me. When you are in a long distance relationship, sometimes you feel lonesome,when you feel such. Just ask your husband to relax and talk to you. Talk about all the fun things you did when were together.


6.) Never call your wife a bitch, whore. Never call your husband fucker/stupid.
It may sound pretty much basic, but these are the words that will always be resounding to ones ears. Just show some respect. He is your husband, and she is your wife. A loving spouse will never say it unless love is getting weaker. In Philippines, of which I came from, when you called a whore/bitch its as if someone spit on your face.


Last but not the least is, when your spouse is mad, never sway with it. Stay calm. Don't talk, let him/her talk when he/she is finished, Just talk in a mellow way, and tell your spouse you love him/her. Never let a day pass without telling your spouse that you love him/her. And never ever mention I don't love you anymore and let's get divorced.


I know its hard to be married to someone who came from the other side of the world. There will be cultural variation and differences. There will be conflicts on beliefs and traits. But all these things can be patch out when both of us are willing to learn new things about our spouse. Because for us to able to live, we need to learn how survive.


Some of us here just got married,and the marriage is just like a flower which is just starting to bloom. Most of us here will make mistake and will be exposed to some inevitable circumstances, but let it not be the reason to play a role in your marriage. Always discuss what both feel. And most of all, never fail to pray for your marriage, because only HIM can bring out the best in both of you.


Its a magic when man does little things for his woman. It keeps her love tank full and the score even. When the score is even, or almost even, a woman knows she is loved, which makes her more trusting and loving in return. When a woman knows she's loved, she can loved without resentment.
Doing little things for a woman is also healing for a man. In fact, those little things will tend to heal his resentments as well as hers. He begins to feel powerful and effective because she's getting the caring she needs. Both are then fulfilled.-John Gray(Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus)


Q.How is it to be married to a foreigner?
A. It's hard. It's challenging. It's a quest. It's wonderful. It's a Blessing.


-Dixie_wife

Rising new Boracay & Palawan of the Philippines.

Boracay, Who wouldn't know about this beautiful pristine beach.  
However, as time passes due to demands of the tourism of the place, there were numerous of changes that has been alarming not only with the people but also with the ways on how to maintain a prime tourist spot of the country.In the other hand, I do believe that are only few of us even heard about the town of Caramoan, in Camarines Sur province of Bicol. This town has a hidden jewel that the government is working hand and hand on preserving the natural resources and natural scenic spots of this place. The town of Caramoan is now starting  make some noise to attract local and international tourists due to its flawless white beaches and combined similarity with the  Palawan and Boracay islands.
Right now, SURVIVOR FRANCE is currently shooting in Gota Beach,Caramoan. And, SURVIVOR ISRAEL is next,  that explains why Gota Beach is currently close for reservations due to the exclusive occupancy of these reality tv show.

Useful Links:
How to get to Caramoan
Gota Beach, Caramoan