Nursing: A lifelong Commitment starting in "School".

Ok. Let me just take a breath for a sec before I hang off my hiatus.

"Temporary insanity for now...lifetime of success later."

I would have never imagine that after putting myself into Nursing school I'd still be able to write here in my little corner. I'm just glad that I moved another notch higher in this career path I'm working on. Knocking off my second semester,  it's been over 2 weeks since my program has begun and I can tell now that this will be a long, restless, tedious another 14 months of my life. I've been having really, like serious studying time of minimum of 8 hours each day. Now, I can honestly say that to be Practical Nurse is not for everyone. If you are the person that doesn't go over that extra mile to accomplish something so bad, you are barking the wrong tree my friend. 

Negative People! Oh boy they are everywhere. However, they must have mistaken MY classroom as their cafeteria. Every chance we get to have a break, I can't avoid to have someone who is such a pessimistic of her/his performance in school. "I can't know everything", "It's just "a lot" to learn" yada yada yada... (famous lines). Damn right, It's a lot. You want to be a Nurse and make big bucks then the way will be steeper, and rocky before you reach that green pasture. I have told some of my classmates, now my friends to "Not Surround yourself with negative energy because that someone will drag you down." We all know that when you  knock that door for Health Care field, especially Nursing, anticipate hardships, because it's going to be very compact with people vying for "LPN", "RN" titles of competitiveness in this field. The reason is you will be dealing with people's "LIVES" that even a single misplacement of decimal point for a medication dosage does make a difference. So these things has to own your mind. Once you take that life away from someone, Can you give it back?

Everybody can learn something but can't be a teacher. Teacher is an effective person to be able to relay and put the information and knowledge out there to gear up the students and actually have the students receive and understand the rationale behind every subject matter. If you lack even one of those, You are not an effective as you think you are. My classmates and I have been having so much difficulty with this instructor who is very nice indeed but s/he is just not as good as a teacher to get a collective positive feedback from the students. It's the way s/he teaches. We almost think that we have to do it on our own because we don't even know what book s/he is using when lecturing. When we ask, we don't get that definite answer. Yeah, It's hard.

Math Problems now. 

Some of us hasn't been in school for couple of years. Dealing with addition, subtraction, multiplication and dividing fractions and decimals wasn't an activity of daily life to really sit into and solve these operations. I, myself felt rusty at the beginning but it just takes few practice refresher to be able to deal with these operations again. But at lot of us in the room is really having a hard time catching up. Why I am stressing this up? It's because we are using this operations in our Pharmacology class.

I've been frying my brains out with so much information from what the instructors have been telling us to do, memorize by heart and by soul these million words of medical terminologies, Physiological diagrams and bombarding us with pressure to study harder for of course at least 5 quizzes each week, plus huge chapter tests every course, you are looking about 10 times you're brain is to be tested  every week how far you have gone. (whew!) So far, we haven't been weeded out yet but I see it coming. Someone has dropped all his/her classes.  To give you an idea what I will be going through, the previous classes from the past 3 decades had started with over 60 students, and only half of them had taken a state board. (Now I feel more stressed!)

The good part in the opposite of this spectrum is that I've met really nice, helpful, cool friends that I can somehow lean on away from this aghast flora. Also, my husband has been very helpful on helping me catch up with my Math sections which is my weakness. So as my mother in law who serves as my third hand on other things. So far, so good, the grades I've been getting is in equilibrium with my effort which I wish I could maintain up until the end of this program.

I wish everyone who have decided to be a Nurse and be a lifelong care giver. Hang in there!

Let's push that luck!

Bloggers of all walks of life.

Ever since I was a child, I have this common denominator to enjoy people's attention. Being the center of attention makes you feel me feel overly special. (Slap!) You want people to talk about you and sink in to all the wonderful comments about they tell you. But as I grow older, I got soaked up with this attention which I believe 90% of what people are saying were just flowering words which I ended up questioning myself if all what they said were true. Come on now!, I can't be the best person to play the guitar! and I can't be the most smart person in the family while others have top honors than me.

I'd say as we go through our metamorphosis, we change our perspective in life. I, back then wanting to be the talk of the crowd, but now, I would like to be talker, and being listened to. And the only way I would be able to do that is to write what combusting in my head. It doesn't matter how my readers/listeners will take it, what matter is I know someone, in some way, a reader that has open his mind , once listened to what I had to say.

Bloggers of all walks of life has so much to express in their own little way, in their own little webpages. And whatever caused them to blog must be something really significant for them to share it around the globe. As a blogger myself, I blog because there is a piece of me that is only good in submersing myself into a deeper understanding as a result of my expression of something I couldn't put up in words and actually confabulating it with someone. The rushing words in my head feels like a time bomb that if I can't put them into composition, it'll hang me on that moment.  Bloggers as well have the creative mind to morph their ideas into usable ones, Or thoughts to push someone else's self esteem. Motivate them to get out of one's shell. More importantly, Bloggers has the say of what has media will never show to the slope of audiences. This global village of modern world has so many ways to speak up and let people know that our ideas, thoughts, experiences, knowledge and even our self is way very interesting to be dated down.

Bloggers might be narcissistic or vain, or bitter, or alike; But being such is one way to be fully committed to ones point of view and point it across to the readers and even inflict it to them. Whenever I read blogs of my fellow writers about how they feel, what they think, what they are happy about, their days, their sadness, their passion, what they want to do in life,  It gives me the opportunity to get to know someone through his/her words and make a picture out of it and really see through their window. I often encounter some scenarios which sometimes feels like dejavu to me. It makes me feel I am not alone.

Year Ender Realizations.

Early this morning, I was cold and sullen. All I was praying a night before was a bright, lots of sunshine day so I can do my weekly jogging at the community park. Yet, I became bitter more so sluggish. Then I came to realized,  You can't always have what you wished for.  It's just life, All you can do is pray, hope that tomorrow is going to be a brighter one. If it doesn't happen, life has given you a lot of lemons, enough for you to make a lemonade.

 But this entry is not about the cold and melancholic days I had, or else I would have to stay overnight and keep my eyes peeled and write. These are about few "Culminations" that 2010   I think  reluctantly gave me.

First off,

• There are people who will unexpectedly show up in your life without your valid discernment why they came,....and go.

At times, I question myself why I have to meet them, only for me to have rancorous memories against them. As much as you don't want to hold on to the past but it kills you to think what was the point why they have to intervene and make you question  even more complicated things you have in hand, in your naturally mazed life. The result is, you eagerly find the connection of their presence and start an imaginary conclusion, which led to deception of oneself. Worst thing is, when you have fully fathomed a tangible reason, the person will once again come back. Can I just pull the trigger?

Simple tip!  Be very careful in being comfortable within their presence, there's only two things you will end up savoring, You trust the wrong people, and pushed away the right ones.

• I discovered a cloaking trait inside me.  

You think you already know yourself  by knowing what to answer to a question of your favorite song? Perhaps, Your favorite food? What about, what was the greatest compromise you ever have to do this year?

That question was one of the unruly questions I have to deal with this year. Choices were available but were not the best. As a resort, I have to settle and be contented of what was handy, against a nonnegotiable and adamant me.  In life, if we expect everything to fall into its places as what we want them to be, It's boring! All of us go through few perplex scenarios, however these distresses will make us appreciate our lives even more as we look back. I know there will be a time, you will also tell yourself. I just shook them off!

• My life has finally reached its transition point from its previous chapter. 

From a girl who came from an a third world country then settling to the most powerful country in this planet, From riding public transportation, to a girl who drives her own car. From lenient educational system to an uptight one, all of this had happen ever since I moved in this country. It was hard, celebrating my first Christmas and New Year (and now second) out of 22 years of my season. But now, everything is slowly getting real to me that I definitely have a new life here. I have changed career path from Engineering to Health care, full pledge wife to my husband, meet new circle of friends, have gotten used with the food, weather (including the unwanted allergies), hectic life from a laid back one. I have felt more secured and protected by the law enforcement unit of this country. I may not be a full, liberated citizen yet, but I have every right to claim that I am a resident (of course legally) in this wonderful country. So I refuse to be a dependent  to anything, that being said, to the government or to any of the people that has been continuously caring for me. I want them to be proud of my achievements so I will continuously work on them.

• I loved myself more. 

Just like my country,Philippines; An average of 20 typhoons  annually hits my country. That explains why people from this country are indestructible. We've been there, done that and still, we rise up and keep going. Positively saying, I possess the same trait why I have this robust self that what ever life throws at me, I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I have had forlorn times after I moved here. These destitute memories have caused heartaches to the people I love and care for me from here and back home. There are a lot of messy situations I was once in and I even felt hopeless to reach my goal in life, But  I refused to be be defeated by the situation.  I've learned to stand with my beliefs, and not let anybody make another decision for me. I've been continuously searching the light in my darkest alley, guided with my dreams and aspirations without letting someone telling me the directions. This, and only this way, You can  love yourself.

I learned to compromise (Realization 2) and  I did not let Unexpected People (Realization 1) to derail my path, for me to fully inculcate in myself, I have an anew life to discover, explore and leave colorful trails (Realization 3) and last but not the least, I have all the reason to love myself even more. (Realization 4).

 At the end of every year; It's like by default, we tend to weigh in the negative circumstances more over than the positive ones. 12 months was long enough to make right choices and decisions. 365 days were opportunities to live a more meaningful life each day and forward. Without remorse and unhappiness. The less we mind other people's business the more time we have to recollect all the corporeality we have had through the entire year and do something from all the bad judgments we've committed. For me, this reigning year will be another year to look forward and count all the blessings I shall be receiving from God.