Marking my journey to becoming an American citizen

After 3 years, I am flabbergasted of all the things that I've been through in this country. I could even compare my experiences to a Bipolar individual which more often has extreme highs and extreme lows. The glimmering halos and bright lights of Los Angeles, California  on November 10, of 2009 as my POE (port of entry) reminds me of my first day (technically, 1st night)  in the United States. My feelings are squirting in many different directions as to how am I going to start my life here? Where?, and What to do first? By the grace of God and extensive willingness to learn a lot about this country each day, is what propelled me to be someone who knows how it is to start a new beginning  as an alien.

August 25th of this year, I finally mailed off my N-400 Packet which is my Naturalization Application for American citizenship. Being married to a USC (United States Citizen) makes you eligible to apply for naturalization 90 days before your 3 yr period of residency mark in the US, and 5 years on all other visas.  And it seems to me that its whenever you have to mail off a very pertinent cluster of documents, its when the PO screws up, and any other days... expect your mails to be delivered promptly as if its just walking at the park. That day I was mailing off  my packet, (we are talking about Saturday here), I originally wanted to send it off on an Express Mail, then the lady said, "well, it won't get there tomorrow anyway, cos it's Sunday" so I went ahead and told her I will purchase a new envelope and write a different address.(as we are speaking, she already punched in a different zip code in the computer) Did what I have to do, and hand it over to her with the Dallas' address not the Lewisville. But she must've forgotten to rectify the zip code she initially put in the computer so when I called USPS to tracked the packet.. I'll be damn! It's on its way to Lewisville. I thought, You've got to be kidding me!

I can't wait until this whole immigration annoyance to  be over with and hoping this does not have to bring me to my therapist. From the very first filing of my documents which took a year, then to the Removal of Conditions (to replace my expired greencard) that took 10 months, and now... this, which we are projecting to take for at least 3 months.

I'm definitely titillated as to  how this whole Naturalization will turn out and the pace its going to move. It was already terrifying during my interview with a consul back in the embassy, much less with an Immigration officer.

After I received my NOA (notice of action) they will mail me off another notice that will tell me when is my BIOMETRICS schedule at my Local Immigration service center (that will be in New Orleans, LA), then another notice when will be my Interview. If I passed the interview which comprises a CIVICS, GEOGRAPHY and READING/WRITING Test... they will mail me again another notice when I'll be taking my Oath of Naturalization.  Whew! you see? just from typing all these, Im tired already.  :)

A have a lot of work ahead of me in reviewing this booklet I obtained from my friend where most of the interview questions is coming from. I shall read it diligently and religiously; Until then... I'll stop right here, and I'll come back and update you on significant stops of my journey to becoming a USC.

Below will be my timeline of my journey, and little footnotes will be included as I go along. I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read up until this part. 

UPDATE about the address:
My Packet was delivered today, 08/29/2012 @ 4:33 AM at Dallas. Thank God!


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-My Naturalization Timeline-

Packet Received-----------------------------------08/29/2012
NOA via text & email from USCIS-------------------08/31/2012
Biometrics Appointment---------------------------09/19/2012
N-400 Interview-----------------------------------11/20/2012 (APPROVED)
Oath taking---------------------------------------01/16/2013

 I am now a proud American Citizen! God Bless America!

UPDATE: Review for FITFlops

First, My apologies for not coming back in the certain day I have promised to come. I could go on and on and on how horrible my week went which you don't wanna hear about it. :) I am back information that I hope you could use if ever you intend to buy this brand.

Fitflops. It is becoming to be a household item here in America. So, lets cut the crap... "I LOVE MY FITFLOPS!" It's truly very comfortable. I have also noticed that after wearing them for little over a week, I have noticed a significant decrease of discomfort in my feet from working all day, so as my back pain had been better. Of course, while giving you a chic feeling from a very catchy look (I've had numerous complement about my shoes) Fitflops has been one of my favorite pair of shoes.

I don't know how the technicalities to give you a full review about this amazing item, but as one proud owner of this item, I think they serve what they truly claim.

So, the next time you hear about this item, I would strongly recommend for you to buy your Fitflops.

Fitflops or Fit flopped?

My sister has been trying convincing me to try this footwear brand where she works for based in UK called, Fitflops which claims to relieve back ache, foot pressure and even giving you a work out while walking. I  gave it a shrug last she was talking about it, but this time; I finally raised my white flag and bought it last week.

Since I am in a medical field, I need a footwear that can surely work with me on those long hours of standing and non-stop walking. I just consulted a chiropractor for my severe lower back pain and feet with excruciating pain at the end of the day after walking all day in the MedSurg floor. Hofepully, this foorwear will not disappoint me because after shedding the price, It will take a little while before I would afford another one.

Fitflops footwear are very fashionable and chic. The prices...eh, is quite pricey. Let's just hope that this brand definitely reciprocate their claims and actually delivers the relief they are advertising.

This is what I picked:  FitFlop FF Supertone Luxe Shoe - Chocolate Bronze--$75
Got it on sale for 50%  original price was a whopping $150, and I was eligible for Free Shipping.

(Of course I can't let my vintage touch guard down...:)

Now, my sister had told me that during the next 5 days... its called "adjustment days" where the shoes is starting to correct the damaged that was done. This shoes features a "Biomechanically engineered Microwobbleboard™ midsoles. Originally designed to activate leg muscles more, studies show they also offer excellent shock absorption and instant relief from underfoot pressure. (fr Fitflops site)

I will come back after 7 days from today and see if this footwear truly works!

20,000 Miles, Roundtrip.

Wow! I can't believe it has been several months from the last time I wrote in this little corner. To tell you why; Well I have been busy with school, and I've been doing a little bit of part time job as a caregiver of a 92 y.o. man (who is so sweet btw). Apart of it is also snapping pictures of my Photography clients. I only have 24 hrs each day which to me is quite short to allocate time on writing about my craft(s).  Maybe a 25th hour will be something that some watch companies would consider :)

Anyhow, What I am excited to share to you about is that I went home to my beautiful country; Philippines last December of 2011. I spend 15 days over there which was full of happiness, fun and tender memories me and my family made. It has been 25 months since I left Philippines, left family, left friends, left my collection of shoes and bags, and sunglasses just for sake of the love. :) My primary and sole reason for my trip is to see my family especially my very sick grandfather who has been having heart problems. I have been wanting to come home probably from Day 1 since my arrival in the States because it was very tough and hefty to leave everything behind and literally start a new life. But you see, I took my lick and sucked it up. Those strenuous days were over that I could say I am now fully adjusted with my new ways in which whenever I feel homesick I just shrug it off and I'd call my mom then I'll be fine. I'm just stoked and ecstatic that I'm finally able to come home even for a very brief time.

This is Manila. The capital city of Philippines.

(Landscape shot)

This is where I spent most of  my bachelorette time, went to college, met the most amazing friends and of course, learned to go with the flow in the city's hustle and buzzle (wink*). Boy, it was such a nostalgic moment when I first landed at the airport. I could smell those moments which were nothing like how I am living now in America. Those bright city lights as I was landing definitely brought back the salad bowl of emotions. Then, I realized; I am truly home. 

I spent the night at my mom's house here in Manila and when the dawn breaks, Me, my mom together with my sister Ken, and bestcousin Christian hauled our selves to the bus terminal and were all ready to embark a 10-hour bus ride away from Manila to my grandparents house in Bicol Province.


During my Philippine trip, I mainly stayed @ my grandparents house in the province which doesn't have internet connection, No cellphone coverage, No cable or Satellite TV, just pure laid back lifestyle. Who could have imagine that after a 22 hr plane ride, Who'll still have the guts to travel 10  more hours to get to the final destination? Viola! this girl. Right here! You'd travel for love, Baby!

To me, traveling by bus was one of the greatest experience if you want to have a little sight-seeing extravaganza.  This picture right here....

..is a typical view you'll see in that 10 hr trip to my grandpaw and maw's house.
We do have the Hawaii views! After all, the weather and climate is almost the same as Hawaii here in the Philippines.

Highlights of my trip were:

• Let's start with, when I got got sick for 5 days because I caught the flu. I bombarded myself with medicines so the bastard didn't last long. Some of my plans got paralyzed. Oh well, I'm glad they're spoiling me with so much love.

• I threw a big  Christmas eve lunch for my family and relatives. We slaughter a hog and we definitely had a feast!

  

• I got another tattoo! yeap! I'm not denying I'm a tattoo lover. It's a Hindi script which means " Always seek success in the opposite" Thanks to one of my closest buddy Jon for doing it for Free!

• I got to see my family and my Mom's boyfriend who was one of her suitors even before she met my Dad. It's more of an unforgotten love, because after 26 yrs, they were together once again. Aww. Whoop! Whoop!

• I explored Manila once again with my cousin, Rachel who is a first time Manila traveler.(I brought her with me from the province) What made our bonding time so enjoyable was when I realized she was having a massive culture shock attack of how liberated people are in this huge city. If you know what I mean... (GRIN)

• We, and when I say "WE" that includes the big gang of my relatives who gave me so much joy just seeing us cutting up, throwing unlimited jokes, and loud laughter that resonate the whole Spring resort. 

 

•  Ok... (tears) This was one of my favorite moments. It was when my grandpa were playing "Pick_up Sticks" with me and with his other grandchildren. And seeing him enjoying himself gives me so much happiness because I get to enjoy his company. Not only that, but also;  To see him play with me like how he did while I was younger. So... Naturally, he doesn't have so much hand control so he could never salvage more than 1 stick because he was always shaky and all. He always lose his game. ha ha

Pick that stick Grandpa!

• And most especially... I get to have a family portrait before something bad happens to my grandpa.  I love him and my grandma so much which happens to be the parents of my crazy, yet the most funniest mom I could ever asked for.

MEET US! 

Oh, by the way.. that's my two beautiful sisters; Karen (farthest left) and Kathleen (at the bottom).

I love them too, though they drive me crazy a lot of times.

:)

Thank you for joining me in my journey as I look back from my home, away from home.

Until next time.

--Cathy

Love, Where are you?

I have been meaning to write since I have the much needed vacay from school.  I've exhausted a week so far out of my 2 week break and tell you what, I have done nothing but to abode laziness in my system. The idleness is driving me nuts though. School literally engulfs me into the blackhole of studying and fully disconnect me to my friends. So I thought I will make this week as a "reconnection week" with some friends I haven't talk since forever. 

From different variegated conversations with different friends; There is one friend of mine who asked me a question which I didn't have the answer off hand. She is a friend of mine back in college whom I didn't know have secretly looked up to my pretty lame aspirations in life which I've once said in one of our drunken college nights. One of her great dream is to be married to an American. When yours truly happen to be married to one, just made her paddle the boat harder to the coastline of her dreams. Her question was; Why I can't find a decent guy to date online? My first reaction was... define decent.

As I retrocede from the chapters of my life. Greg and I didn't met on an online dating site rather it's one of those boring days on Skype. I can't just make up an answer which I know would impact the way she thinks about men here in United States.

Ladies, I am not here to tell you that this is how it goes. I am speaking from what  I can see on the surface from the different layers of the online dating whirlpool.

Finding love in Chat rooms.

Set yourself for quite a long haul. I can't tell you enough that by the time you even consider yourself entering this not so welcoming Chat room, you have already set yourself to disappointment. Guys from all over the world in the internet can't hold their selves even for 2 seconds just to be respectful and gentleman enough to get to know you first before asking you to show your private parts. This is the reason why they all flock in these rooms. They are not there for love, they are there to have fun, to see what's between in those legs. It's like looking for a needle in the haystack for a man who would actually be polite to ask more about yourself. Men from other countries doesn't seem to see how important respect is for few Asian ladies.  Filipinas are one of the few conservative ladies who would shut down when asked to be "all the way" on chat talks. When guys engage in a quite torrid conversations, some ladies feel awkward and feel insulted, and defeated from their expectations. But in all honesty, your purpose doesn't belong to these rooms. Unless you find a man who is searching the same thing as what you are,in the same room, that's the only time it'll work. 

I have a friend who came up to me and shared her story how unbearable it was for her to be fully attached to this guy, who have showed a genuine interests towards her but she was left with a broken heart when the guy disappears without saying goodbye. 

Love on dating sites maybe?

I would assume that the only reason you have that well structured profile in your favorite dating site is that you  have had the fair share of heartaches with these guys around your area, or even in the country. It's not bad to find love in these websites but you have to be very, when I say very, very careful. You have to guard your heart and sift  all these intentions coming from the guys you have met so far. There will always be a bad guy, and without a warning they would penetrate your vulnerable heart. There are a lot at stake when you open your heart to the possibilities to be with someone you haven't seen in person. There is the price of being once again attached to your feelings of wanting to make things work so badly, also not meeting your expectations about this person, together with all these; how would you address the pressure of intimacy which is pretty much the core of every relationship. Ask yourself, are you ready to be that person who would not feel silly doing peculiar things on webcamera just for the sake of love?  The key here is to carefully put bits and pieces about this person who would first of all want to get to know you. Decipher how they treat and address your presence. How does he say things, does he makes premature "too good to be true" statements? These are some pretty essential questions you have to add in your guidelines when venturing love online. Always make yourself  feel wanted by someone, if you can't feel its a two way street, let it go. Don't hold onto that little gut that this person would feel the same as what you feel, considering the amount of distance between the two of you.

A lot of people think that online dating is much easier than dating the traditional way because there is less physical pressure. However;  It's a wrong assumption because they don't know how much you can be so invested on your emotions without the assurance that you'll be compensated.  

You might be asking me now..."Then what's the difference between Chatroom and Dating sites anyway?" The answer is "Purpose". Where do you go when you need a bread? Don't go to the hardware!

We all have our bars set I would hope on how far we would go in terms on finding that right person, in any way. The extremities of these circumstances comes with unusual decisions that we might encounter along the process of getting all the pieces of the puzzle fit together to have a good picture how life would it be with this person. Family members might decry your persistence. You might blame yourself in some point for being so gullible for letting yourself open up,but its normal. Just know that when you have done enough to find that one person on cyberworld you believe is meant for you, maybe it's time to look in a smaller perimeters. Look around. Maybe you're just not letting yourself notice him.

Weight gain is self -esteem lost

Yet another compulsive shout out in the middle of my work out. So random that I just literally just shut off the DVD workout I have been using for quite sometime now.  I said, I have battling this weight which I have gained so far from eating carelessly and now I can't seem to loss the numbers. It's hard but I stayed diligent to achieve my goal. And here I am,  I can't complain of my weight anymore rather just maintenance.

Every girl's dream is to have that perfect body. So perfect that you starve yourself and restrict from eating the right food for your body. Which is WRONG!  All it takes is choosing the right food, right time to eat and right amount of  food to shove in that hungry mouth. Take a look at the picture below. 

The first picture was when I was in my "Desirable body" and the second picture is when I have gained 20 lbs from the base weight I was and including the 2 lbs of muscle mass I have toned so far ever since I have used Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred Out. Everyday, as much as I feel enervated from the 20 minute work out DVD, to me being healthy is my top priority. Yes, it is also important to look good, and tone but looks is just something you can't choose in time of sickness. You can have 36-24-36 measurement but if you can't manage to walk even 10 minutes, there's something wrong sister. 

I am writing this because I would like to encourage everybody to dedicate at least 20 minutes of physical movements and refuse to live a sedentary lifestyle. If you are able and fully functional individual you can have a healthy day everyday. We all know that United States offers  a wide array of cultural recipes on the table, it is hard to decide which restaurant to eat out in Friday nights, if its Buffet; more and likely you'd settle there like what happened with me and my husband. However, soon I realized I often times feels farouche wearing those sleeveless shirts, It was time to take an action.

I goggled and searched which one might fit my schedule best and a work out that will keep me motivated rather impatient. P90x was has well rounded reviews, but I thought it was too drastic and time consuming for a nursing student like me. So I settled on Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred out DVD. I have been using it for over a month now and I can definitely say its working for me. My endurance and agility has been continuously improving so as my body. I have lost 14 lbs in a month and gained 2 lbs of muscle mass.   I am very finicky on choosing the serving of my food, but mindful of the calories. 

I know food is very addictive and prodigious. It's very hard to negate the invitation that our fridge stores for us. But when you watch the show, "Extreme Makeover: Weight loss edition" people struggle in so many things that they turn to food as their comfort and as soon as they found it, it is so hard to turn their backs and control the seduction. What I would like to impart here is that, I wasn't as much as overweight like the ones on the show but I  know how it feels like when nobody is there to talk to you in hard times. It was my personal battle to stop eating, and also procrastinating that I would watch my food the following day. But I never did. There, 30 lbs easy! I strongly discourage you to take this path.

I can't make you stop on indulging or make you move maybe , but there is one thing that we have in common; that is weight gained is self-esteem lost. Think about the times when you never had a problem shopping for jeans because the  your size was never kept in the storage room, think about a time that your loveone would put his arm around you, but you have all these unwanted cellulite which are so embarrassing but its there, think about a time that you might have to rely on a machine to keep you going everyday, or insulin that will make your body hate injections. THINK about all these. Its not yet too late. Walk, do something, and get healthy. I did it, and so can YOU!

A little push.

I have been in the nursing school since Fall of last year yet it feels like yester years already. I know its drastic and nobody will hand the degree to me in silver platter but I am in the point now of really breaking down. However, there was one reason that feels like the Almighty God had whispered to me and showed me that life is too short to continuously seek yourself to what you really want to do for the rest of your life.

A day ago, I just finished my Geriatric clinicals. If there was something as a reward for cleaning feces and giving bath to an uncooperative person; hearing them trying to utter the words “THANK YOU” in consideration of aphasia, staunchly gives me a wonderful feeling of appreciation beyond words they could ever spoken. These elders have endured their life and now has come to the part where we all will going too. Being confined in the nursing home with bunch of caregivers who acts like animals in giving a so called “Care” to these pityful elders; definitely gave me push to keep going and finish what I have started. We will never know ahead of time how are we going to be treated in our old age, I expect the same treatment to me as what I am giving to them now.

It’s not for the money alone why I decided to engross in the nursing school, but there is nothing priceless enough to see a person who is suffering on something and having someone who makes that person feel better despite of what s/he is going through. And as a nurse in the making, I truly believe that I can be an instrument to these people in restoring their health and see them living  life we all want to culminate in a good way.

The road I am taking now is not as green as it can be, but because of the people around me who serves as my succor in all ways, I know I can make it up until the end.

Cumpulsive Shoutout

I was studying like 2 seconds ago for like 8 simultaneous hours today and here I am writing a dreadful entry just before midnight hits up. I guess you can call it as I didn't have the greatest week ever. Oh hello me, I don't have a life anyway so forget weekends. All I do is bust my rare studying for something that getting a 100% is like meeting Elvis Prestley in a men's bathroom. 

This entry is about my frustrations and my dainty little swallow happiness coming from a incarcerated feelings of last week. 

Reality slapped me couple of times this week. Reality of what I get myself into, Reality of being such a passive student way back high school and hating Math to the top of my lungs, and Reality of you'll never know what you want to know unless you asked! 

I know I have a soft heart to mostly 3/4 of the population of this world but I have never seen even in my wildest imagination to be a Nurse. Yet, I am trying to be one. I was merely thinking that because I can't be the dumbest student in a certain school, I can do it with by just holding on to the confidence I have earned for myself. But listen, here's the thing that I just realized.. "Being Confident on something is not bad, but if you don't back it up with effort, Confidence is useless" I thought I was studying that hard, but still it wasn't enough. In high school, Math was my least priority. But now, this B**ch is hunting me. It frustrates me because from the rest of my courses that I am doing wonderfully, Basic Pharmacology seems to be flunking me. I refuse to fail this course! Everytime I think about failure, its like a default thing that I can't help myself not to think failure is my rescue.

Ask and you shall know. There are times that we let ourselves be bothered, smothered, and butchered with halo feelings that we want to solicit the  answer. Like wanting to know if someone feels the same way towards you, or simple like asking someone Why from What. I know what you we're thinking... Did you just say "it wasn't the right time to ask".. so then when is the right time for you? I hope by that time, the answer that you want to know is still the one you expect to hear. As for my case, forget the hot flashes before I asked the question, what matters the most is that I knew what I want to know by taking that risk that regardless what will the answer be... I still let myself free from confusions.

Have a good one beautiful souls.

Nursing: A lifelong Commitment starting in "School".

Ok. Let me just take a breath for a sec before I hang off my hiatus.

"Temporary insanity for now...lifetime of success later."

I would have never imagine that after putting myself into Nursing school I'd still be able to write here in my little corner. I'm just glad that I moved another notch higher in this career path I'm working on. Knocking off my second semester,  it's been over 2 weeks since my program has begun and I can tell now that this will be a long, restless, tedious another 14 months of my life. I've been having really, like serious studying time of minimum of 8 hours each day. Now, I can honestly say that to be Practical Nurse is not for everyone. If you are the person that doesn't go over that extra mile to accomplish something so bad, you are barking the wrong tree my friend. 

Negative People! Oh boy they are everywhere. However, they must have mistaken MY classroom as their cafeteria. Every chance we get to have a break, I can't avoid to have someone who is such a pessimistic of her/his performance in school. "I can't know everything", "It's just "a lot" to learn" yada yada yada... (famous lines). Damn right, It's a lot. You want to be a Nurse and make big bucks then the way will be steeper, and rocky before you reach that green pasture. I have told some of my classmates, now my friends to "Not Surround yourself with negative energy because that someone will drag you down." We all know that when you  knock that door for Health Care field, especially Nursing, anticipate hardships, because it's going to be very compact with people vying for "LPN", "RN" titles of competitiveness in this field. The reason is you will be dealing with people's "LIVES" that even a single misplacement of decimal point for a medication dosage does make a difference. So these things has to own your mind. Once you take that life away from someone, Can you give it back?

Everybody can learn something but can't be a teacher. Teacher is an effective person to be able to relay and put the information and knowledge out there to gear up the students and actually have the students receive and understand the rationale behind every subject matter. If you lack even one of those, You are not an effective as you think you are. My classmates and I have been having so much difficulty with this instructor who is very nice indeed but s/he is just not as good as a teacher to get a collective positive feedback from the students. It's the way s/he teaches. We almost think that we have to do it on our own because we don't even know what book s/he is using when lecturing. When we ask, we don't get that definite answer. Yeah, It's hard.

Math Problems now. 

Some of us hasn't been in school for couple of years. Dealing with addition, subtraction, multiplication and dividing fractions and decimals wasn't an activity of daily life to really sit into and solve these operations. I, myself felt rusty at the beginning but it just takes few practice refresher to be able to deal with these operations again. But at lot of us in the room is really having a hard time catching up. Why I am stressing this up? It's because we are using this operations in our Pharmacology class.

I've been frying my brains out with so much information from what the instructors have been telling us to do, memorize by heart and by soul these million words of medical terminologies, Physiological diagrams and bombarding us with pressure to study harder for of course at least 5 quizzes each week, plus huge chapter tests every course, you are looking about 10 times you're brain is to be tested  every week how far you have gone. (whew!) So far, we haven't been weeded out yet but I see it coming. Someone has dropped all his/her classes.  To give you an idea what I will be going through, the previous classes from the past 3 decades had started with over 60 students, and only half of them had taken a state board. (Now I feel more stressed!)

The good part in the opposite of this spectrum is that I've met really nice, helpful, cool friends that I can somehow lean on away from this aghast flora. Also, my husband has been very helpful on helping me catch up with my Math sections which is my weakness. So as my mother in law who serves as my third hand on other things. So far, so good, the grades I've been getting is in equilibrium with my effort which I wish I could maintain up until the end of this program.

I wish everyone who have decided to be a Nurse and be a lifelong care giver. Hang in there!

Let's push that luck!

Bloggers of all walks of life.

Ever since I was a child, I have this common denominator to enjoy people's attention. Being the center of attention makes you feel me feel overly special. (Slap!) You want people to talk about you and sink in to all the wonderful comments about they tell you. But as I grow older, I got soaked up with this attention which I believe 90% of what people are saying were just flowering words which I ended up questioning myself if all what they said were true. Come on now!, I can't be the best person to play the guitar! and I can't be the most smart person in the family while others have top honors than me.

I'd say as we go through our metamorphosis, we change our perspective in life. I, back then wanting to be the talk of the crowd, but now, I would like to be talker, and being listened to. And the only way I would be able to do that is to write what combusting in my head. It doesn't matter how my readers/listeners will take it, what matter is I know someone, in some way, a reader that has open his mind , once listened to what I had to say.

Bloggers of all walks of life has so much to express in their own little way, in their own little webpages. And whatever caused them to blog must be something really significant for them to share it around the globe. As a blogger myself, I blog because there is a piece of me that is only good in submersing myself into a deeper understanding as a result of my expression of something I couldn't put up in words and actually confabulating it with someone. The rushing words in my head feels like a time bomb that if I can't put them into composition, it'll hang me on that moment.  Bloggers as well have the creative mind to morph their ideas into usable ones, Or thoughts to push someone else's self esteem. Motivate them to get out of one's shell. More importantly, Bloggers has the say of what has media will never show to the slope of audiences. This global village of modern world has so many ways to speak up and let people know that our ideas, thoughts, experiences, knowledge and even our self is way very interesting to be dated down.

Bloggers might be narcissistic or vain, or bitter, or alike; But being such is one way to be fully committed to ones point of view and point it across to the readers and even inflict it to them. Whenever I read blogs of my fellow writers about how they feel, what they think, what they are happy about, their days, their sadness, their passion, what they want to do in life,  It gives me the opportunity to get to know someone through his/her words and make a picture out of it and really see through their window. I often encounter some scenarios which sometimes feels like dejavu to me. It makes me feel I am not alone.

Year Ender Realizations.

Early this morning, I was cold and sullen. All I was praying a night before was a bright, lots of sunshine day so I can do my weekly jogging at the community park. Yet, I became bitter more so sluggish. Then I came to realized,  You can't always have what you wished for.  It's just life, All you can do is pray, hope that tomorrow is going to be a brighter one. If it doesn't happen, life has given you a lot of lemons, enough for you to make a lemonade.

 But this entry is not about the cold and melancholic days I had, or else I would have to stay overnight and keep my eyes peeled and write. These are about few "Culminations" that 2010   I think  reluctantly gave me.

First off,

• There are people who will unexpectedly show up in your life without your valid discernment why they came,....and go.

At times, I question myself why I have to meet them, only for me to have rancorous memories against them. As much as you don't want to hold on to the past but it kills you to think what was the point why they have to intervene and make you question  even more complicated things you have in hand, in your naturally mazed life. The result is, you eagerly find the connection of their presence and start an imaginary conclusion, which led to deception of oneself. Worst thing is, when you have fully fathomed a tangible reason, the person will once again come back. Can I just pull the trigger?

Simple tip!  Be very careful in being comfortable within their presence, there's only two things you will end up savoring, You trust the wrong people, and pushed away the right ones.

• I discovered a cloaking trait inside me.  

You think you already know yourself  by knowing what to answer to a question of your favorite song? Perhaps, Your favorite food? What about, what was the greatest compromise you ever have to do this year?

That question was one of the unruly questions I have to deal with this year. Choices were available but were not the best. As a resort, I have to settle and be contented of what was handy, against a nonnegotiable and adamant me.  In life, if we expect everything to fall into its places as what we want them to be, It's boring! All of us go through few perplex scenarios, however these distresses will make us appreciate our lives even more as we look back. I know there will be a time, you will also tell yourself. I just shook them off!

• My life has finally reached its transition point from its previous chapter. 

From a girl who came from an a third world country then settling to the most powerful country in this planet, From riding public transportation, to a girl who drives her own car. From lenient educational system to an uptight one, all of this had happen ever since I moved in this country. It was hard, celebrating my first Christmas and New Year (and now second) out of 22 years of my season. But now, everything is slowly getting real to me that I definitely have a new life here. I have changed career path from Engineering to Health care, full pledge wife to my husband, meet new circle of friends, have gotten used with the food, weather (including the unwanted allergies), hectic life from a laid back one. I have felt more secured and protected by the law enforcement unit of this country. I may not be a full, liberated citizen yet, but I have every right to claim that I am a resident (of course legally) in this wonderful country. So I refuse to be a dependent  to anything, that being said, to the government or to any of the people that has been continuously caring for me. I want them to be proud of my achievements so I will continuously work on them.

• I loved myself more. 

Just like my country,Philippines; An average of 20 typhoons  annually hits my country. That explains why people from this country are indestructible. We've been there, done that and still, we rise up and keep going. Positively saying, I possess the same trait why I have this robust self that what ever life throws at me, I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I have had forlorn times after I moved here. These destitute memories have caused heartaches to the people I love and care for me from here and back home. There are a lot of messy situations I was once in and I even felt hopeless to reach my goal in life, But  I refused to be be defeated by the situation.  I've learned to stand with my beliefs, and not let anybody make another decision for me. I've been continuously searching the light in my darkest alley, guided with my dreams and aspirations without letting someone telling me the directions. This, and only this way, You can  love yourself.

I learned to compromise (Realization 2) and  I did not let Unexpected People (Realization 1) to derail my path, for me to fully inculcate in myself, I have an anew life to discover, explore and leave colorful trails (Realization 3) and last but not the least, I have all the reason to love myself even more. (Realization 4).

 At the end of every year; It's like by default, we tend to weigh in the negative circumstances more over than the positive ones. 12 months was long enough to make right choices and decisions. 365 days were opportunities to live a more meaningful life each day and forward. Without remorse and unhappiness. The less we mind other people's business the more time we have to recollect all the corporeality we have had through the entire year and do something from all the bad judgments we've committed. For me, this reigning year will be another year to look forward and count all the blessings I shall be receiving from God. 

Hello Nook, where have you been.

I have been flaring signs of the ultimate item in my wish list to Santa this Christmas and the time has finally come that Santa grant my wish of the year.
The NookColor. 

My husband knows that if either I'm not in Taco bell's drive-thru, he can surely find me in our city library untouchable while reading my favorite novels, books, and magazines. One night, he suddenly throw this conversation about E-Readers and he knows that I have all my fireballs ready for a debate. I have been reading about E-Readers for quite some time now (and he was probably snooping around my history) since my work and school schedule is becoming demanding, an E-Reader would make my time more feasible and easy access to the bookworm me.

Comparing Nook Color against Kindle of Amazon as two of the most competitive E-Readers in the market, I find Nook to be ahead in terms of features.

These are the prominent features of Nook:
-WIFI capable
-HD vivid colors 7.7 LCD screen.
-Expandable MicroSD
-Built in Web Browser
-holds more than 1,500 eBooks
-LendMe feature
-Supports PDF, Word, and ePub files; displays images and some video formats; support for audio and MP3 playback.
-(I just love Pandora Radio Station too!)

While Kindle's Prominent Features are:
-Longer Battery Life
-Faster Internet refresh
-Wider range of books
-Free Internet over 3G connection
-Physical keyboard

I've heard so many face off reviews about these two best E-Readers there of, but upon having this Nook Color, I would say that I'm more than blithe to actually read and have full access to all my favorite reading materials within my fingertips, anytime, anywhere.

Sexual Orientation, Does it really matter?

Growing up in a family with few gay and bisexual uncles and cousins, ( I'm not shameful to admit it) I see their world through a magnificent window with full of admiration and appreciation. Some may see it vaguely and wrongful because that was the status quo had shown to the world, but to me, having a person with a different social orientation in my circle, is something I couldn't thank enough.

When I was still younger, I have always been consistent of having more boy friends than girls. Simple because I was a tomboy type of girl. I love doing adventurous activities that if having more girl friends will impede me to do. It's only when my grandfather (You know how grandfathers are, and oh yeah, they mean it baby!) had verbally and restricted me to continue befriending with the opposite sex. So I thought, why not have friends that share a common interest apart from the sex matter? They might be boys but their heart is screaming that a chunk of their selves is like me! So there you go. I'm blessed with few, great, good gay and bisexual friends and proud to say that if there are two persons who know every inch of me, one of them is my cousin, and he is bisexual. We can't get enough laughs whenever we are cutting up, doing some crazy things that never fail to make our jaws hurt from laughing upon talking about them. We've shared enjoyable activities, that includes walking 2 miles just to avail a coupon for a free pizza under the blazing summer heat. All these wonderful memories I have had, all boils down from accepting him who he is, building strong bond as cousin and friend, and taking care of the trust he had entrusted to me of whoever he is.

Having a friend from a different social orientation is like basically having the best of both worlds. They can be a girl friend and can also be a boy friend. One thing that I don't deprive myself about having more friends is that I allow these type of people to fully acknowledge that I appreciate their choice to be what they want people to see them, that I want their friendship. When you value their self worth they can the best friend everybody deserves. They would stay up late handing you Kleenex while listening about your recent break-up, or mishap. They never ceases a day without making you laugh, and the fun that comes out naturally whenever you are with them whether you had a bad or good day is something that the society does not see. The society have painted this bad image that having a different social orientation aside from the acceptable is a threat to what has the society has been deliberately isolating them from. That is to be in the world where everybody does not see whatever you are, a world with no more sexual discrimination.

God has created us equally and had bestowed us with extraordinary talents that we all excel on. And we have to commend the huge contribution to the sexual  minorities in terms of fashion, entertainment, and trend-setting projects in this ever changing world. You are just as unique and special like me.  So if you know deep within yourself that you are different, voice it out, and be yourself. Because you know that there are a lot of people that appreciates the self you are.

Dark Room

I honestly don't know where to start writing. I just know I need to write. I guess its because of this melancholic rather lullabies  for these kids sleeping  in this dark room while I'm watching them over here in the daycare I'm working.

Times like this can bring you with so much contemplation about how you truly feel at the moment .I am one of those people that whenever in solitary, there are bunch of toxic material going through my brain cells. I guess  even writing my state of mind whenever I can, still I have this reservoir of feelings I couldn't write about or air out.  You know what it feels like leaving in a world where you conceal everything, as in everything just so things would work as what everybody expects things  to be? Now, you are probably thinking how disturb I am letting all the these crap, desolated feelings cause a turmoil on me, That explains why there are people who have been successful bringing their selves to a picture they want to see their selves in at the later date, Through compromises, sacrifices, patience just for sake of the ones they love.

People disregard their feelings just so the ones they love would be happy first, and when you see them wearing a big smile in their faces, it brings happiness to yourself as well, but still you can't be happy until  you find that special feeling that your heart confirms that even material things are greatly  insignificant in  existence.

So if you think you are the only one in this world who can't get everything you wanted, who can't smile each day because you can't be with the person you love the  most, who has been in terrible pain in all ways, who doesn't know where your life is leading you... Cheers! You're not alone. I 'm here with you. 

Appointmentless

Whenever you need to see your doctor, you need to set up an appointment, simply because you want that specific time you want to be seen with. These days.. appointment is simple useless. Your appointment at 8:00 will be taken by someone who signed in first even you are there by 8:00. You are appointmentless!

 This morning, I woke up very early because I have to see my physician for my Physical exam and TB skin test. My husband and I arrived at the doctor's office at 8:03, and this woman who signed in first, 2 minutes earlier and her appointment was 8:15 was called first before me. I was like? what's the point of asking someone to come in at this time when you will not follow the appointment time? It doesn't make sense to me. We have to wait 45 minutes after that woman's turn.

I remember watching an episode in Curb your enthusiasm starring of course my favorite Larry David. He pointed out this absurd notion in this offices. I'd believe that if you set up an appointment, you are expected to be in a certain office at the said time, but what if you came earlier and signed in first even you are expected later, the other person would feel the same... Cheated.

These offices needs some rude awakening that the way they address their clients is quite not right. Appointment time is appointment time, not signed in time. Well, I think next time, I just have to come earlier to be seen first. The hell with others appointment time.

Going the Distance

12:07 in the morning to be exact. I just finished the movie "Going the Distance" starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long which are real life sweethearts. As I was watching this movie, I though it was some type of  dejavu in my part to see myself in that situation. I thought about writing something about this movie because  it really sank into me.

The movie was about long distance relationship. The struggles to keep the spark alive and in remain to be in the crepuscular of love. The movie was actually moving to me since I used to be in the same situation where there are times that I have to make formidable decisions. Besides the fact that there are a lot of relationships now which are in a form of long distance relationship, many of us are not aware that this type of relationship is more than demanding even though your special someone is not around with you. It requires a great amount of patience and determination to stick to that exclusive relationship and never let yourself  be involved with someone else while the other is in the other side of the world. Based from my very own experience, the core factors that will wrap up the relationship while the other is not yet able to settle in, is of course TRUST and FIDELITY. Without these two, both of you are just as far as the miles entails.

I have fellows who have had long distance relationships nevertheless, ended in a vexatious breakup. If one has never put oneself into making the relationship work, it'll not work. Its a  two way street that requires constant traffic of communication, airing out feelings, creativity to make each other feel that physical presence is not a hurdle in the relationship most specially, and definite effort to have all that working with each other.

A simple though for you from me, before hitting the sack.

Late Night Crisis

Have you ever had that moment in life wherein you are just watching your favorite late night show in the telly  then all of a sudden, a strange feeling hits your  mind and you feel like your life is all out of whack?

We all have our late night crisis, as I call it. It's our human nature to yearn for something that we have been wanting, desiring, and see ourselves doing it but putting all together in action or in reality is even virtually impossible.
In my 22 years of existence in our not so perfect world, I've dreamt and want so many things to happen in me. But even I, know that it'll be one big struggle to come to that point where I can say, I couldn't be any happier.

Often times, I feel like I've missed so many things in life that I could have done if only...  Yes! that line often times is one of the phrases we don't even want to utter because it has a very potent meaning to which we don't want to altercate. Many of us have just chosen to just hold on in the state of life where we think that is where we are suppose to be but, have we asked ourselves, "Is this really what I want for me?" What I have done to myself for me to have something to look forward the next day and be happy about it?

I have known few good friends who has done nothing to their selves than to be the best of what they can be. But at the end of their every bad day, we find ourselves asking "Why I'm still not happy?" Myself, is one of the people who has set a broad horizon for my goals and reaching few of those then have actually suffer from the consequences of the path I choose instead of doing it the hard way. Even we have accomplished our very dream, it doesn't mean we have reached our goal life.

Happiness doesn't mean you have everything in life. Happy people in this world is scarce.You can be happy living in a hovel yet you have the most loving and caring children and wife. We all have own way of seeking happiness and once we find it, we hold on to it and never let it go. The most important thing is we might not be in that point in life where we want our life to be, but we have to keep in mind that, it takes two things; Do something, work for it. 

Between two classrooms of an Education System

It's good to be back! I've been feeling guilty by not writing something because it's been quite a while airing out a thought from my mind. Today, I would like to talk about my schooling.

When I took my COMPASS Test for Nursing school,  I failed to meet the required points for Mathematics to get into nursing program (which of course I believe 99.9 % of  world's population despise Math). I felt to discouraged but my husband's bullying had pushed me to my extreme of studying and collecting all my rusty knowledge back from my younger school days. Needless to say, I re-take that Math portion and passed it with flying colors. So now, yours truly is now in the Practical Nursing Program. A 16-month rigid course for aspiring nurses.

I was so thrilled when I first stepped-in for school registration. I've met few nice friends which until now we're building friendships together. Moreover, when I went for our first day of classes, everything just  like a strong lighting volt that struck me, telling me, "This is it Cathy! There's no turning back!"

Education System

The very first appealing feeling I have felt was the difference of the Education System between my foreign country and  the United States. I don't want to pry on Philippines standard of education but it just made sense to me why United States has the best education system in whole mankind.

When I was in my college days, I must admit that I didn't do my very best to absorb everything what my instructor was trying to teach me, though you have your textbooks, you have all your friends whom can help you out finishing a term paper in no time because hey, you can just copy their work by maneuvering the words, right? Pronto! you have your term paper. But, still there is a factor lacking between the instructor's way of teaching and the dedication of the students to actually learn and  be as much competitive as they can be. Now that I am actually going to college and most specially here in the United States, I am starting to feel the toughness of the obstacles I have to jump through just to get to the finish line. Kudos though to every student who had finished college in my country! You guys did great!

Pell Grant- a money received by the students that they don't need to pay back the government.

Financial Aid-  may come in a form of loans that the Federal government lends to the student to go to school but has to be paid back once out of school and already working.

In the Philippines...

WE DON'T HAVE PELL GRANT OR FINANCIAL AID.  The government can't afford to give out free money to every student who are less fortunate than the others. Because if the government can, it would have been nice to see no teenagers begging in the streets of Manila for their food of the day. If you want to go to school, the parents has to spend for your education, if they can't afford it  anymore, either you stop going to school or work to finish it.

Good side: Students doesn't need to worry paying back loans. They just need to study.

Bad side: Most of the students doesn't work hard to get the highest average they can have because there is no government minimum average involvement required to keep up so that the students would  continuously  receive financial aid from the government itself for the next semesters to come.

INSTRUCTORS ARE  MORE APPROACHABLE. In college, you and the instructor can have that friendly relationship that might and might not affect the ability of the student to perform the task that was given to him/her. You can approach them anytime you  desire, consult them about certain topics.
They are there every step of the way if you allow them to. And every subject has an instructor who is physically present in the classroom.

In the United States...

THERE IS PELL GRANT / FINANCIAL AID. Most of the students who qualify can receive an aid for their education until they are out of school. Having the opportunity to receive Pell grant or financial aid, you have to diligently and religiously study to maintain a GPA ( Gradel Point Average) or else the government will take away your aid and you'll not going to be able to finish school unless your parents can afford your tuition fees.

Good side: Students are motivated to study hard to keep up with the government's requirement to receive aid.
  
Bad side: You don't get to fool around and you have to pin yourself down for studying.. Others take Pell Grant for granted by going to school then once they receive the money they will stop going to school.

INSTRUCTORS ARE VIRTUALLY PRESENT. I have one subject which is the Allied Science, that only time I will see her is that when I'm ready and need to take an exam that only her can activate the test in the computer. Yes! we take our test online.

We work on our own pace. We study whenever we want in the website that was provided to us. It's like one big plate of food that was given to us and its up to you how long it will take you to eat it all. You might have  friends but the way I see it here,  school is purely school, work on your own, its a good way of competition though. But outside of that box, they are willing to assist you if  you missed a class. Instructor can only be reached most of the time through email, you hardly can see them after your class with them.

I can't blame some fellows who decided to be contented of what they are. Because I can say going to school here in the United States is not an easy ride. If you don't have the stamina to get through late night notes reading, listening and watching 71 pages of course ware in the computer that may take you up to 4 hours to complete until its very last page, then you need truck load of motivation to finish school.

To see the comparison from my country's education system and United States is undesirable and  painful. But believe it or not, I feel like I have all the drive I need to get through my schooling here. Every student should feel the need of finishing school knowing that you're working so hard to maintain the average, without letting other outside factors intervene your performance. Every student here in the United States should feel so fortunate for having all the help available, because there are some people from other countries wherein going to school is as much hard as it sounds due to some seen factors. In the contrary, to every student who is not as much blessed, its important to study hard  to finish school, and make a difference!

With all the state of the hard technology which is available for me that will soon be introduce to my class in the next coming months, I am more than excited to be able to be a part of health care field.